Yes, You Are Overthinking It and Here’s How to Stop

If your mind has been running through the same thought over and over, you’re not alone.

Maybe it’s a conversation you keep replaying.

Maybe it’s a decision you’re scared you got wrong.

Maybe someone took a little longer than usual to text you back and now your brain has created an entire story around it.

And you know you’re probably overthinking it.

But knowing that doesn’t necessarily make you stop.

That’s the frustrating part.

You can literally tell yourself, “I need to stop thinking about this,” and somehow your brain responds with another 27 questions.

So if you’re someone who spends way too much time in your own head, I want you to know something before we go any further:

Disclaimer

I’m not a mental health or medical professional. I’m simply sharing what I’ve learned through my own experiences with stress and overthinking, along with the research I’ve done. This is not professional medical advice.

You’re not fractured.

There’s a reason your brain can get stuck doing this.

And once you understand what’s happening, it becomes a little easier to stop fighting your thoughts and start changing what you do with them.

If you’ve been feeling mentally overwhelmed lately, I created a free Surviving the Stress Journal to help you get some of those thoughts out of your head and onto paper.

It’s a simple printable you can use to slow down, look at what’s stressing you, and create a little more space in your mind.

Download the FREE Surviving the Stress Journal →

It’s free just enter your email and you’ll get to download it.

Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you purchase through one of these links, I may earn a small commission at no additional cost to you.

So… Why Are You Overthinking Everything?

I think one of the worst things about overthinking is that we often make it mean something about who we are.

“I’m too anxious.”

“I’m too sensitive.”

“Why can’t I just let things go?”

“Why does everyone else seem to handle things better than me?”

But your brain isn’t necessarily trying to make your life difficult.

It’s trying to protect you.

Your brain likes to solve problems

There’s a network in your brain called the default mode network (DMN) that becomes more active when you’re not focused on a specific task.

Think about what happens when you finally sit down after a long day.

Suddenly you remember that conversation from this morning.

Then you start wondering if you sounded weird.

Then you wonder if the other person noticed.

Then you start thinking about what they might think of you.

And before you know it, you’ve been sitting there for 30 minutes thinking about something that happened hours ago.

Your brain has basically decided:

“There’s something here we need to figure out.”

And it keeps going.

Another system in your brain, called the salience network, helps determine what deserves your attention.

When you’re already stressed or on edge, something that would normally feel insignificant- like an unanswered message or a slightly different tone of voice - can suddenly feel very important.

So no, you’re not necessarily “theatrical.”

Your brain may simply be treating uncertainty like something that needs your attention.

When your brain starts confusing thinking with protection

This is where things can get exhausting.

You might think that if you just analyze the situation a little more, you’ll finally feel better.

So you keep thinking.

What if I did this?

What if they meant that?

What if something goes wrong?

What if I should have handled it differently?

The problem is that there’s always another what if.

And because our brains naturally tend to pay more attention to potential problems, negative possibilities can feel much more convincing than positive ones.

So if you’re someone who overthinks everything, I don’t want you walking away from this thinking:

“Something is wrong with me.”

Your brain may simply have gotten very good at staying on alert.

And the answer isn’t to force yourself to stop thinking.

It’s learning when your thinking is helping you and when it has turned into a loop.

If you want a book specifically focused on breaking negative thought patterns and mental spirals, you might also want to check out Stop Overthinking by Nick Trenton.

Read Stop Overthinking by Nick Trenton on Amazon →

Sometimes Overthinking Is Part of a Bigger Stress Problem

Here’s something else I’ve noticed about stress:

Sometimes the overthinking isn’t the only thing happening.

You might also feel tense all the time.

You might be exhausted but still unable to relax.

You finally get some free time and instead of enjoying it, your mind starts going through your to-do list.

Or you sit down at night and suddenly every thought you pushed away during the day comes rushing back.

If that sounds familiar, your body might have gotten used to being “on.”

I wrote more about this in:

Why You Can’t Relax (Even When Nothing Is Wrong)

Because sometimes learning how to stop overthinking also means learning how to feel safe enough to slow down.

Are You Thinking… or Are You Ruminating?

This is something I really want you to start paying attention to.

Because thinking isn’t the problem.

We need to think.

We need to reflect.

We need to make decisions.

We need to learn from our experiences.

The problem is when the thinking stops taking you anywhere.

Reflection moves you forward

Let’s say you had an awkward conversation with someone.

You think about it afterward and realize:

“Okay, maybe I could have said that differently.”

You learn something.

Maybe you decide what you’d do differently next time.

Then you move on.

That’s reflection.

Rumination keeps you going in circles

Rumination is more like:

“Why did I say that?”

“Why did I say it like that?”

“What if they think I’m rude?”

“Maybe I should message them.”

“But what if messaging them makes it worse?”

And then you replay the entire conversation again.

And again.

And again.

You’re still thinking about the same thing, but you’re not getting anywhere.

That’s the difference.

Reflection moves.

Rumination circles.

Some signs you might be stuck in a rumination loop

You might notice yourself:

*Replaying conversations that are already over

*Second-guessing decisions you’ve already made

*Constantly imagining what could go wrong

*Looking for hidden meanings in texts or conversations

*Worrying about things you have no control over

*Lying awake thinking about something that happened earlier

*Feeling physically tense while your mind keeps running

If you recognize yourself here, please don’t beat yourself up about it.

You’ve noticed the pattern. That’s a good place to start. 

Why Overthinking Can Make Relationships Harder

Relationships can be a huge trigger for overthinking.

Especially when you care about someone.

One unanswered text suddenly becomes:

“Are they upset with me?”

Then:

“Did I do something?”

Then:

“Maybe they’re losing interest.”

And now you’re analyzing their last five messages looking for clues.

I know how easy it is to do this because uncertainty is uncomfortable.

Your brain wants an answer.

It wants to know:

Are we okay or not?

But sometimes there simply isn’t enough information yet.

And when your nervous system is already stressed, you may start filling in those gaps with the explanation that scares you the most.

The reassurance cycle

This is where overthinking can create another problem.

You feel anxious.

So you ask for reassurance.

You get it.

You feel better for a little while.

Then the doubt comes back.

So you ask again.

And eventually you’re back where you started.

The problem isn’t that wanting reassurance is bad.

We all need reassurance sometimes.

It’s when reassurance becomes the only thing that makes you feel okay that the cycle can become draining.

The first step is simply noticing it.

You can’t change a pattern you haven’t learned to recognize.

Okay, So How Do You Actually Stop Overthinking?

This is the part I care about most.

Because understanding why you’re overthinking is helpful, but eventually you need something you can do when your brain won’t shut up.

1. Give your worries a time and place

This might sound strange, but try giving yourself a specific 10-to-15-minute “worry time.”

Instead of allowing your brain to analyze everything all day, write down what’s bothering you and tell yourself:

“I’ll come back to this during my worry time.”

Then when the thought comes back later:

“But what if…?”

You can remind yourself:

“I’m not ignoring this. I’m going to think about it later.”

You’re giving your brain somewhere to put the worry without letting it take over your entire day.

2. Stop treating every thought like a fact

This one has been really helpful for me to think about.

Just because you think something doesn’t mean it’s true.

Instead of:

“They’re annoyed with me.”

Try:

“I’m having the thought that they’re annoyed with me.”

See the difference?

You’re creating a little bit of space between you and the thought.

You don’t have to argue with it.

You don’t have to convince yourself that the opposite is true.

You’re simply reminding yourself:

“This is a thought. It isn’t automatically a fact.”

3. Get out of your head and into the room

When you’ve been thinking for too long, sometimes the best thing you can do is stop trying to think your way out of it.

Look around you.

Notice what you can actually see.

Try the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique:

5 things you can see
4 things you can touch
3 things you can hear
2 things you can smell
1 thing you can taste

You’re giving your attention something real and immediate to focus on.

Sometimes you don’t need another answer.

You just need to interrupt the loop.

What to Do When Your Brain Gets Loud at Night

Why is it that everything seems to feel worse at night?

You can be completely fine during the day.

Then you get into bed and suddenly your brain decides:

“Perfect. Now is the time to review every uncomfortable thing that has ever happened.”

Seriously.

The quiet can make the thoughts feel so much louder.

During the day, there are things happening around you.

Work.

People.

Your phone.

Errands.

Noise.

Then everything becomes quiet.

And your brain finally has room to bring everything forward.

That’s why I think having something simple to do with your thoughts at night can make such a difference.

Try writing instead of thinking

Instead of replaying the same thought in your head, put it on paper.

You could write:

If you’re replaying a conversation:
“What did I actually want to say?”

If you’re worried about a decision:
“What is the smallest next step I can take?”

If you’re worrying about the future:
“What do I know to be true right now?”

You don’t need to write pages and pages.

You just need to give the thoughts somewhere to go.

And if you don’t know where to start, that’s exactly why I created the Surviving the Stress Journal.

It gives you a simple place to slow down, identify what’s weighing on you, and get some of those thoughts out of your head.

Get the FREE Surviving the Stress Journal →

A Book You Can Use to Work on Overthinking

If you’ve realized, “Okay… I really do spend a lot of time in my head,” and you want something more structured to work through, I also recommend checking out Stop Overthinking by Nick Trenton.

It focuses specifically on negative thought patterns, stress, mental spirals, and practical ways to get out of your head.

Sometimes having a book with exercises and techniques to come back to is helpful when you know you want to change a pattern but don’t know where to start.

Check out Stop Overthinking by Nick Trenton on Amazon →

But What If Your Thoughts Are  Trying to Tell You Something?

I don’t want you to read this article and decide that every concern you have is “just overthinking.”

Sometimes something really is bothering you.

Sometimes there’s a conversation you need to have.

Sometimes there’s a decision you need to make.

Sometimes something doesn’t feel right for a reason.

So here’s a question I like to use:

“Is this thinking helping me move forward?”

If you’re thinking about something and you’re getting new information, figuring out what you want, or identifying an action you can take, that can be useful.

But if you’ve been thinking about the same thing for an hour and you’re no closer to an answer than you were when you started, you might not need more thinking.

You might need a break from thinking.

That distinction is important.

The goal isn’t to become someone who never worries.

It’s to learn when your thoughts are helping you and when they’re simply keeping you stuck.

When You Might Need More Support

And I also want to say this because sometimes we try to do everything ourselves.

If you’ve been stuck in these thought loops for weeks, you’re consistently losing sleep, your relationships are being affected, or you’re struggling with persistent anxiety or low mood, it may be worth talking with a mental health professional.

You don’t have to wait until everything falls apart before asking for help.

Sometimes you just need more support than a journal prompt or blog post can provide.

And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Sometimes It’s Not Just the Overthinking

If you’re constantly thinking, planning, worrying, checking, analyzing, and trying to stay ahead of everything, you might eventually start wondering:

“Why can’t I just relax?”

And that’s a really good question.

Because sometimes you’re not dealing with one isolated thought.

Sometimes you’ve been carrying stress for so long that slowing down doesn’t immediately feel natural anymore.

You finally have a free evening.

Nothing is wrong.

Nothing needs your attention.

But you still feel restless.

Your body is tired.

Your brain isn’t.

If that sounds familiar, read this next:

Why You Can’t Relax (Even When Nothing Is Wrong)

Your Brain Loops Because It Cares. Give It Somewhere Better to Land.

I want to come back to the phrase we started with:

“You are overthinking it.”

Maybe you are.

But I don’t want you to hear that as:

“There’s something wrong with me.”

Your brain is trying to make sense of things.

It’s trying to protect you.

It’s trying to prepare you.

And sometimes it just doesn’t know when to stop.

The goal isn’t to stop being thoughtful.

It isn’t to stop caring.

And it definitely isn’t to force every thought out of your head.

It’s learning to notice:

“Okay, I’ve thought about this enough.”

And then giving yourself permission to come back to what’s happening right now.

So if you’re overthinking tonight, start small.

Put the phone down.

Take a few slow breaths.

Write down what’s on your mind.

Ask yourself:

“Is there something I need to do about this?”

If there is, write down the next small step.

If there isn’t, remind yourself that you don’t have to solve an imaginary future tonight.

And if your mind is simply too full, download my free Surviving the Stress Journal and give those thoughts somewhere to land.

DOWNLOAD THE FREE SURVIVING THE STRESS JOURNAL →

You don’t have to figure everything out tonight.

You don’t have to solve every possibility.

And you definitely don’t have to follow every thought your brain gives you.

You are not your loops.

You’re the one who noticed them :)  Thank you for reading, have a great day :)